Me Do It!" --
At this point the natural question arises - if there are so many
"ex-gays" in the population, where are they? Most readers will
never have met any. It is no wonder the GLB community is very skeptical
about whether real change occurs, though the best estimate of the
researchers involved is that it does, and spontaneously, without
clinical intervention, just in the normal course of life.
There are good reasons why this group has remained hidden.
1. Most who have changed to OSA have some shame about their previous
life, and don't like to talk about it to the extent that some are
embarrassed to have books visible on their shelves which
describe the change process.
2. Many think it was a real and permanent change, and their present
state is the most important thing and summary of their core identity.
They don't want to talk about their previous sexual orientation.
3. If they are now heterosexually involved; admission of previous SSA
may be destructive of a present relationship.
4. If they publicly admit their previous SSA they will be relentlessly
and openly attacked and crossexamined by activist members of the SSA
community. Since many of these "ex-gays" are on the more timid end
of the confidence scale, they prefer to keep quiet.
5. Few of the changes are to 100% OSA and many people who have changed
are uneasy about the few percent SSA that remains, since activists tend
to argue in an absolutist fashion that even a remnant few percent SSA
shows that real change does not happen.
In contrast, a currently exclusive gay who was once OSA is likely to
say his previous OSA was a superficial layer covering a core SSA
identity, and will be more open to discuss his previous identity, though
that's probably less likely for those who come out of a marriage.