After being straight for 29 years now, I look back and
wonder how I was ever gay. Two kids, a wife, all the
great trappings of suburban life and unlike some
peopel claim, I don't wonder what I missed. I don't
think about going to a gay bar or sex with a man. I
think about other stuff, getting leaves out of the
gutter without falling off the roof, getting enough
money to pay for my youngest son's college and getting
the car to the garage for a tune-up.
I admire all those who make the change from the left
hand lane...and my heart goes out to them. I left
homsexuality through psychotherapy, before it changed.
I didn't have to face a society with magazines and tv
promoting the lifestyle as something wonderful.
Althougth my mother thought it was perfectly okay and
sent me to live with three gay men when I was 17.
I wasn't a Christian, I was a guy who asked, why am I
queer? What makes me this way? Do I have to be this
way if I don't want to?
But now, it's cool to be gay. There are high school
clubs, college clubs and gay men and women believe in
their cause. They fight for it, they seek to make
everyone believe in it by legislating, by creating
safe havens, by marching, rallies and parades. They
create a beautiful spectacle of freedom from
conventional behavior. "Loud and Proud!"
So to those who seek to leave, who seek to change, I
can tell you it is not easy. Yep, I still get the
occasional dream, or a thought crosses my mind and I
wonder where it came from but I'm not going to act
upon it. It disappears. But I can promise you that if
you are not a Christian, there is still help out there.
But if you are a Christian then you have a God who
loves you and will bring you wholeness, you see I
believe that those who love Christ can become whole
again, as God intended. And I also think that that Dr.
Alden was right when he said that it was easier to
help a homosexual than an alcoholic.
So keep faith. This is not going to be an easy fight
it will be a nasty one. I spoke out the other day and
what happened afterwards was not pretty. I was
attacked because I asked a question, "What if someone
doesn't want to be gay, can they change?" at a gay tea
party at the local college. I was attacked in the
parking lot of McDonald's across the street.
So what do we need to do? We work, we write letters,
we bring hope to one another. We have to share
and say, "I was once gay," and then explain yourself
with clarity and reason.
We also need to support PFOX and other groups, with
time, talent and money so that they can get their
programs into schools across the country. In the end,
it will be the courage of ex-gays, the belief that God
will truly help and the support of our friends and
family that will push the issue to the forefront. But
as I said, it ain't easy baby and I have learned a lot.
But I want those of you who strugle with your feelings to
know that I too once struggled and suffered and in time, I changed.