People who endured a lot of hurt and neglect in their lives, especially during their childhood and adolescent/teen years from the people who were the most important in their lives at the time (mom, dad, siblings, close friends, etc) are more likely to develop hardened hearts.
As a defense mechanism, they become emotionally detached, but are often on the hunt for their mirror selves.
They often seek the one who will draw them in with romantic intensity and then distance themselves when things get too close. Intimacy avoidant individuals unconsciously "check out" when their relationship starts to feel too close, whether related to an emotional, physical, or even spiritual connection.
Initially, the romance addict comes on strong. Sensing the unconscious fragility, abandonment fears and needfulness of their prospective partner. Then quickly moves into meeting their every unmet need – with seduction, warmth, and charm.
A romanticized/sexualized relationship between two women is much more prone to excessive intensity, lack of privacy, a strong tendency for psychological fusion with a followed loss of the sense of one's separate feelings, and an inability to express or tolerate differences. (Enmeshment...loss of boundaries). The requirement of sensitive mutual understanding will inhibit healthy aggression, and a trend toward a suffocating exclusivity.
Because the identification is defined by their attractions as the foundation of their character and personality, they subconsciously perceive relationships as if they are sole answer to absolute happiness and utopia, and can't seem to connect the dots when it comes to the unbalanced nature of these homosexual relationships. As they crave and desire their relationships to be the answer to their happiness, they often struggle just to keep the relationship hanging on a thread. There is this constant struggle to supplant the role of the male into their lesbian relationships, which is impossible, and that's why the relationship either implodes so much and/or so quickly, or they become reduced to something that is really just the same as two roommates living together using each other as masturbatory aides, and then calling that "love."
As you will read, these unhealthy dynamics are factual outcomes to the nature of lesbian relationships according to the following data occurs much more often and in much greater frequency than a man and woman relationships...
Even as they are the most under-reported, lesbian couples continue to have the highest rates of domestic abuse and violence than any other couple, especially later in life as they have to confront the real world with real world responsibilities.
Although reported incidences of intimate partner violence, or IPV, are widespread, especially among women and certain ethnic groups, reported IPV is highest among lesbians, and second highest among homosexual male couples in California (one of the most pro-homosexual friendly states), and who are almost twice as likely to experience violence than heterosexual adults, researchers said.
Also, reported by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, homosexual female (lesbian) couples are the highest, and homosexual males couples are the 2nd highest in domestic violence rates...
And there are even more studies that were conducted that back this up:
- Among lesbians, a 1985 study by Gwat-Yong Lie and Sabrina Gentlewarrier reported that slightly more than half of 1,109 respondents had been abused by a woman partner in their lifetime. (Gwat-Yong Lie & S. Gentlewarrier. Intimate Violence in Lesbian Relationships: Discussion of Survey Findings and Practice Implications, p. 46 (1991) 15 Journal of Social Service Research The Haworth Press)
- Coleman's 1990 study of 90 lesbians, for example, reported that 46.6% had experienced repeated acts of violence. (Coleman, V. The Relationship Between Personality and the Perpetration of Violence, Internet, Abstracted from Violence and Victims, Vol. 9, No. 2, 1994)
- Ristock's 1994 survey of 113 lesbians reported that 41% been abused in at least one relationship with another woman. (Ristock, J., And Justice for All?...The Social Context of Legal Responses to Abuse in Lesbian Relationships, (1994) 7 Canadian Journal of Women and the Law 420)
- In another one of Ristock studies of domestic abuse in in 2002, lesbian relationships, Ristock (2002) identifies first same sex relationships as high risk for domestic abuse. We would agree that first same sex relationships present a particular set of circumstances in which abuse may occur: the survivor's investment in wanting a same sex relationship as confirmation of their identity, sense of self, and the safer alternative to men if they have had bad relationships or experiences with men more than not; their lack of confidence in what behaviors are acceptable in intimate relationships; and their possible lack of embededness in LGBT friendship/community networks in which to air their concerns, see other relationship role models, and seek support and help in addressing the abuse they are experiencing.
For example, Audrey when she had her first lesbian relationship, which lasted for nearly 3 years. This was an abusive relationship, but she says it took her longer to understand it as such, because she was so exhilarated by her experience of it as her first lesbian relationship:
"Well, I think I'd always been very clear about what was going on, but suddenly I realized actually I was beginning to abuse myself by staying in this relationship and if that – and I knew, I just knew that if that had been a man, with a man – because my worst relationship (so far) was with a man. I would not have put up with three years of that actually. I would not. So why was it any different? Because this was a relationship with a woman and it was my first, I didn't want to believe it."
(Ristock, J. (2002) No More Secrets. Violence in lesbian relationships. Routledge: London.)
A study in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence examined conflict and violence in lesbian relationships...
The researchers found that 90% of the women in lesbian relationships surveyed had been recipients of one or more acts of aggression from their intimate partners during the year prior to this study, with 31% reporting one or more incidents of physical abuse. (Lettie L. Lockhart et al., "Letting out the Secret:Violence in Lesbian Relationships," pp. 469-492 Journal of Interpersonal Violence 9 (1994))
Another study of lesbian couples reported (2000) in the Handbook of Family Development and Intervention "indicates that 54 percent had experienced 10 or more abusive incidents, 74 percent had experienced six or more incidents, 60 percent reported a pattern to the abuse, and 71 percent said it grew worse over time." (William C. Nichols, et al, editors, Handbook of Family Development and Intervention, p. 393 (New York: John Wiley and Sons, Inc., 2000))
Studies of other populations in the LGBT "community" have documented even higher rates of abuse over respondents' lifetimes:
- The Portland, OR based Survivor Project's 1998 Gender, Violence, and Resource Access Survey of transgender and inter sex individuals found that 50% of respondents had been raped or assaulted by a romantic partner, even though only 62% of these individuals identified themselves as "survivors" of domestic violence when asked. (Courvant, Diana and Loree Cook-Daniels, 'Trans and Intersex Survivors of Domestic Violence: Defining Terms, Barriers, & Responsibilities,' www.survivorproject.org/defbarresp.html .)
- Another survey found that same-sex cohabitants reported significantly more intimate partner violence than did opposite-sex cohabitants. Among women, 39.2% of the same-sex cohabitants and 21.7% of the opposite-sex cohabitants reported being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked by a marital/cohabiting partner at some time in their lifetime. (Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes, U.S. Dep't of Just., NCJ 181867, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, at 30 (2000), available at www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/pubs-sum/181867.htm)
- Another study indicated that 83% of homosexuals report they have been emotionally abused by homosexual partners. (A Descriptive Analysis of Same-Sex Relationship Violence for a Diverse Sample, The Journal of Family Violence, Publisher Springer Netherlands, Volume 15, Number 3, September, 2000, Pages 281-293. ISSN 0885-7482)
- 88% of victims in 2003 and 91 percent of victims in 2004 reported experiencing prior incidents of abuse, with the majority (45 percent and 47 percent, respectively) reporting having experienced more than 10 prior incidents. (Diane Dolan-Soto & Sara Kaplan, New York Lesbian, Gay, Transgender and Bisexual Domestic Violence Report, at 5 (2005), available at http://www.avp.org/publications/reports/2005nycdvrpt.pdf.)
And this continues to rise, as more states have legalized same sex "marriage" and society is becoming more and more "gay" affirming, domestic violence rates has risen an average of 15% since 2008 in persons who live the homosexual lifestyle and embrace the so-called LGBT identity (so much for so-called "homophobia")...
Here's an interesting article that reports on some domestic violence crimes between women involved in lesbian relationships in the ever-so pro homosexuality state of Massachusetts (notice the comments made below it too)...
Are homosexual couples harming each other emotionally and physically so much, because of the rest of society not accepting homosexuality (a.k.a. "homophobia")?...
The argument that homosexual behavior is "aye okay, because any distress they feel is based on how society treats them," is null and void...it's a lie.
It would stand to reason that if society's view/treatment of homosexuality improved, then their much higher levels of psychological and medical problems would decrease. This has not happened, and is not happening.
"Most people don't realize that "homophobia" is not an actual scientific term, but was invented by "gay" marketing experts to manipulate public opinion and silence opponents. Originally, "homophobia" was psychiatric jargon invented to describe patients' fear of their own homosexual inclinations. Homosexual activists simply stole the term and redefined it as "hate and/or fear of homosexuals." They use it as a rhetorical weapon to define anyone who disagrees with the legitimization of homosexuality as a "hate-filled bigot." Homosexual activists publicly associate this label with violent "gay bashers" and hateful fanatics. When they use the term, they want people to think about the killers of Matthew Shepard (who truthfully wasn't murdered, because of his homosexuality, btw), but in conventional practice they include every man, woman, and child who believes homosexual behavior is abnormal, unhealthy, or wrong. Ask any homosexual advocate to state the difference between homophobia and non-homophobic opposition to homosexual behavior. They will reveal that they accept no opposition as legitimate. (Tolerance is a one-way street for them).
Secondly, the term defines opposition to homosexual behavior as a mental illness. Homosexual activists take special delight in this since it was scant decades ago that homosexuality was listed as a mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatry (the listing was removed by the political maneuvering of homosexual activists in a 1973 vote of the members of the American Psychiatric Association).
Thirdly, the term can be used as the semantic equivalent of "racist," helping the homosexual activist movement to further indoctrinate the public with the notion that opposition to homosexual behavior is equivalent to prejudice against racial minorities.
Collectively, these strategic applications of the word "homophobia" serve to intimidate many opponents into completely silence. When any expression of opposition to homosexuality draws the accusation that one is a mentally-ill bigot equivalent to a racist, few people will venture public opposition.
Society's treatment, acceptance, etc has improved so much over the years, to the extent better than it ever has since the dawn of civilization. There has never been so many people who have falsely believed that homosexuals are "born that way" and can't change, than there is today. And there has never been a civilization in history that considered legalizing same sex "marriage" as it is happening today. Yet the level of distress and/or problems the average identified homosexual experiences, has not decreased, and in many areas has increased.
In the very homosexual-friendly location of Sweden/Denmark, a longitudinal research study of over 8000 people (both men and women) who identify as homosexual, live that lifestyle, and were in same sex "marriages," was conducted. It shows that there is a considerably lower lifespan than the average (heterosexual) couple. The average lifespan for female homosexuals (lesbian couples) was is over 30% lower compared to heterosexual married couples...