Friday, March 1, 2013

Homosexuality Q&A


Why should kids not call other kids names like “gay,” “sissy,” or “faggot”?


In elementary school, other children will begin to call gender-confused boys “sissies,” “faggots,” “queers,” or “gays.”  Mistakenly and tragically, their teachers may even identify them as “gay children,” and, thus labeled by their own teachers, the children may even come to think of themselves as “born gay.”  They may not be sure what being “gay” means, but they begin to suspect that they are different.  Before long, their emotional estrangement from their own sex will begin to surface in same-sex romantic longings. 


Imagine how it would feel for a boy to have a distant father and also to be teased by his same-sex peers.  Imagine how it would feel to be called clumsy, a sissy, crybaby, mama’s boy or to be labeled for any number of other failures.  Often Mom, Grandma, or Sister is the only person in whom such a boy finds affection and sympathy.  Because he tends to be emotionally sensitive, such a boy begins to believe his classmates’ teasing labels and gives up the struggle to prove they are not true.  Their name-calling only confirms his hidden fear that his is not a “real boy.” 


But make no mistake about this:  A gender-nonconforming boy can be sensitive, kind, social, artistic, gentle – and heterosexual.  He can be an artist, an actor, a dancer, a cook, a musician – and a heterosexual.  These innate artistic skills are “who he is,” part of the wonderful range of human abilities.  No one should try to discourage those abilities and traits.  With appropriate masculine affirmation and support, however, they can all be developed within the context of normal heterosexual manhood. 


Is society “heterosexist”?


Of course, because nature itself is inherently “heterosexist”—that is, biased toward heterosexuality, which is essential for our survival.  Gender complementarity and heterosexuality are the norm in animal and human biology. 


Why are some gay men attracted to female icons?


Gay men are invariably captivated by larger-than-life feminine images, and they do not choose men as their icons.  Instead, they become enthralled with Judy Garland, Barbara Streisand, Marilyn Monroe, and Bette Midler.  Adulation of female icons permits an escape into the secret feminine fantasy of early childhood, providing an evasion to escape the challenge of developing their masculine potential. 


“Why are gays draws to Disney World each June?” asks Focus on the Family’s Tom Hess.  Anyone who doubts that gender conflict is at the root of homosexuality would likely lay that idea to rest after seeing Disney’s annual June Gay Day celebration.  As Hess observes, “Infatuation with Disney icons like Alice is one of the top draws for homosexuals who flock to Gay Day each year.”


“Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs have stepped down from their Enchanted Forest float and with wide smiles, they’re inviting children, many of them under the age of 6, to join them in a dance,” Hess notes.  But this day, because it’s Disney Gay Day, there’s a man dancing ecstatically with Snow White while wearing a little girl’s diamond tiara.  Watching him dance, Hess says, “are several thousand other homosexuals, all beaming like little boys … the sea of men erupts in adoring applause.”  Another man jumps up and down with a polka-dot hair ribbon on his head as he leaps in delight while dancing with a costumed Alice. 


And everyone has seen gay men in drag at a pride parade or in a gay bar wearing high heels and a wig.  These men are reliving the fantasy option – the secret androgynous fantasy of childhood in which they decided they did not have to make a decision to be either male or female; they could be both.  But because biology is (in the case of sexual identity) destiny, the consequence taking the fantasy option does not result in genuine androgyny, but a pervasive and nagging sense of masculine deficit. 


We are reminded of lesbian activist Camille Paglia’s observation that “masculinity is risky and elusive – it is achieved by a revolt from a woman and confirmed only by other men.”  Gender-deficient men still secretly cling to the feminine identification that is proper to children in early infancy but that isolates them from the healthy challenge of a gender-polarized world.  


What is the difference between “gay” and “homosexual”? 


Just because someone experiences homosexual feelings does not mean he is obliged to assume the label of “gay.”  Unlike homosexuality, which describes a sexual orientation, “gay” is a social-political identity that says, in essence, “This is who I am; this is the ‘real me’; and I can live out my same-sex attractions without any internal conflict.”  Not all people who have same-sex feelings choose a gay identity. 


But in reality, “homosexual” is no more “who a person is” than any other behavioral propensity.  Would it be meaningful to say, “Shy is who I am” or “Boisterous is who I am” or “Alcoholic is who I am”? We do not identify a “people” by their behavioral or psychological traits and then insist that no one criticize those traits or behaviors.


(Above answers were taken from the book “A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality” by Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D, and Linda Nicolosi, available at and are Copyrighted by  NARTH.)




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